This is who we are. This is what we do.

It spins. Your life. It is a wheel, with many spokes. It isn't over yet, so calm the fuck down. Everything will be alright. Or it wont.

Do you remember that time when the oversensitive fool couldn't take a joke, and in return ended up causing damage that was irrepressibly strong and could never be undone? Well they won't understand. It is a shame. They have no idea how their words have caused you to not forgive them, in turn making the original matter even worse.

Fuck me? No cunt, fuck you. One day I will be far away. Sure I could call. But I wont. And it is your fault. God damn it I love you so much for making me into a strong willed person. But god damn it do I hate you for the decades of coddling. I won't be a sociopath, as could be expected, with our blood. But understand that the mind, and the spirit, they are just muscles as the rest of the body contains.

You blame my attitude on you know who? My god you are so, so fucking wrong. I am worse then him. If anything, I poison him. If anything, I poisoned him in the first place. This angriness I feel? This darkness? The fantasies I escape to? They come from you. They come from you. The weird things I'm capable of? They also come from you. Thank you, by the way, for the latter, because sometimes I feel like a superhero.

I am aware of the fact that I am young. I know I don't always know the absolute truth. However something I have learned from you that you obviously did not learn your time around, as loving as you tried to be.

Pain caused by your offspring will come. I will embrace it as nature, instead of a foreign enemy. They will return to me, occasionally, as is nature, and one day I will die with the FIRST and ONLY women I marry and all will be well.

Thank you from keeping my mind from murder. Well done. I'm all sorts of unusual. But I aint crazy.
But fuck you for keeping me a coward and weak for so long. Just keep your distance. And one day I will beg for forgiveness, for my youthful rebellion made me act out in all sorts of ways.

However you are still relatively young. Maybe this pain is something you need to realize exists. You are going to be a whatchyamacallit, after all, with the brain and what not. Take the gift that you gave me and use it, instead if blaming everything else.

I love you, you stupid fucking cunt.

~Xavier R.

The Desert Dogs are coming soon.

 

© Michael McCormack

© Michael McCormack

All over your chest,

Big Mike

Everything is not in its right place

I had gone on my very own artsy fartsy rant about some artsy fartsy jerk off of the young British artists movement, and you decided that the entire system had to overload. Does Damien Hirst have you by the balls?

 Mike's entry was deleted as well. Not fucking cool, man.

So what you missed;

Me - Everything > Damien Hirst
Mike - Don't like what I do? Fuck off.

So, yeah. Thats about it.

~Xavier R.

P.S. Did you hear about the one they call god? He gives a blessing per $5 and forgiveness per $50.

Rant

It’s 5:08 pm do you know where your heads at? I’m guess no, because I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND BLOGGING FROM THE FUTURE! I have a job that takes me around the country, well kind of. Right now I’m in Chicago and been here since May 5th. Here is the part where I make a nonsensical jump. I’ve been coming here off and on for the past several months to work on the same job(s) as of now it’s just one. Anyhow when I first arrived I liked it because it was new and exciting and I had never been here before, but then as the days dragged on I noticed how wretched this city is, okay maybe not the city but the people, and not all the people just the ones I don’t talk to…and a few of the ones I do(that’s a run on sentence). These people are not like the ones in my town of Seattle they all look bitchy even the dudes. I get the feeling every time I walk by a guy in a suite while I’m scrubbed out in my “suite” has that “I’m soooooo much better than you” look in his/her eye. Well guess what dick wad If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have that 9-5 that allows you to walk around and scoff at other people. I’m sorry your parents shamed you into getting a “good job.” I’m sorry that when you go on vacation you have to pay for it, I consider mine, company sponsored. My job is cake, I stand around, I find wet spots, ladies ;), I put fucking tape on the ground, oh yeah and I fly to parts of the country you’ll never go to. So Mr(s) A-hole, next time you wanna stare down your nose at me remember my job is better, easier, and financially comparable to what your boring middle management job is. Some of you may think I feel inferior because of my feeling that people are looking down on me, that’s not true. These assholes really do look you up and down and get a disgusted look on their faces.



Now to the assholes that think the horn is a necessity to driving in Chicago, ITS NOT. For the love of fucking god (who does not exist, notice the non-capitalization) it’s not! I shit you not I was eating lunch and heard a horn being blessed by the all might hand of (wo?)man for at least 2 minutes. I know that doesn’t sound like long but go out to your car and hold that fucker down for 30 seconds and tell me that doesn’t feel like an eternity. I was actually getting worried about a minute in. I thought maybe somebody died and smashed their face onto the center receptacle of annoying goodness. However my lazy ass didn’t check. Eventually the horn stopped and no sirens came, so I assumed the worst...or best whatever your opinion may be. With that extreme case said how about all you fucks who must belive that the proportion of horn to traffic speed is directly connected, learn that it’s a fucking warning device! Not for the encouragement of 4 wheeled cattle.

YOU MOTHER FUCKING TAXIES!!! I’M CROSSING THE STREET, DO YOU FUCKING MIND! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU, INBRED, MORONIC, CITIZENS NEED TO READ A FUCKING DRIVING MANUAL. I AM NOT A FUCKING SPEED BUMP. YOU TO FUCKING BUS DRIVERS SHIT GOD DAMN IF YOU ARE MAKING A LEFT TURN EITHER SUCK IT UP AND FUCKING WAIT OR FIND AN ALTERNATE ROUTE. YOU ALL ENRAGE ME! AS I ONCE HEARD FROM A FRIEND GO DIE IN A GREASE FIRE!!!! FUCKING RAGE QUITING THIS FUCKING POST, GOD DAMN GUIDE BUTTON Y TO MAIN MENU FUCK THIS SHIT

±

p.s. like you care but, company sponsored vacations

Some Bands are just a "Big 'Fuck You' In Your Fat Fucking Face"

You know, I've not been too busy as of late, that is except for pissing off a lot of people for my last post. I stand by what I said, 100 percent, balls deep, all night, swingin' past my knees.If you didn't like it, well, whatever.
This is my blog, bitches. 
Suck it.

In the spirit of pissing you stupid people off in the worst way I could muster, short of pissing in your gas tank and laughing maniaclly as I smear my own feces all over your car windows, I want to share some music that you'll hate. Because you're inbred? Most likely.

Aphex Twin -Omgyjya Switch 7

Can't you read that title? You can't because you don't speak Cornish. Hope you're proud of yourself.

Boredoms - Acid Police

Seriously, aren't you proud of yourself? I heard your mother is proud of you.

 

Mr Bungle - Carry Stress in the Jaw

I'm lying. She hates you. 

Celtic Frost - Synagoga Satanae

Everyone hates you. 

Sunn -Cry for the Weeper

 

Go die.

Antagonistically yours,

Big Mike.

My top 5 music artists (In no particular Order)

RADIOHEAD

A band that is constantly evolving, constantly pushing themselves. Though nearly all of them have two decades of age on me, it seems that each album is the growth I happen to be at in my life. Plus all their music is so amazing and feels so tortured you just sort of want to...take all their powers, highlander style.


WU-TANG CLAN

Wu-Tang Clan really aint nothin to fuck wit. Every member a master MC, the backing music genius, and the lyrics are real, rough, yet not too typical of a rap group of this ilk.




JIMI HENDRIX

Beyond being considered by many (and myself) as still the greatest guitarist player who ever lived, his knack for innovation in music in general is something that needs to taken into deep consideration. Though I don't listen to him as frequently as I use to, I still view him as a favorite.


THE SUBWAYS

The subways are the sort of band that you listen to when you wake up in the morning. The Subways are the sort of band you play at the party you're having after a hard week of work. The subways are simplistic in a masterful way, and so raw, that you are conflicted in wither you should be fucking or fighting someone.




CHARLES MINGUS

My jazz standard. When I'm not leeching off inspiration from his bass playing capabilities or studying how he composed, I'm relaxing with a cigar and listening to song after song from repertoire. To back step, the man was most likely the most talented composer that ever lived. It is just unfortunate how dark and tortured his life often was.


There you have it. If you haven't heard some of them, I implore you to have a listen.

~Xavier R.

Huh? What?

Decided that I'm going to work on a weekly webcomic just for you! No not you, YOU!!!! It will be a reflection of my boring, recurrent, monotonous, repetitive, humdrum, redundant life. If I don't have goals I end up a mass of lazy and uninspiring crap factory.



±
p.s. Boobies are nice

My knee hurts and I'm pretty sure theres footage of me peeing on things in public. Blast me and my debauchery.

That being said, I do believe that may days off are shifting. I pray that avkjbvavb kvb abbjknkl Orson Welles sd fvvabnvnv auih  giggity.

~Xavier R.

My 10 least favorite things Pt. 2

5. Steven Tyler

Aerosmith wasn't the greatest band that ever existed, but even after they sobered up and got old, they still were shining beacons of rock n roll prowess, success, and all around awesomeness, roots deep in origins of hard work and genuine musical effort. Big headed lead singer here, left to go head up a group of judges on a fickle minded shallow machine that pops out "musicians" of the same ilk as said machine. Well done, you treasonous backstabbing piece of shit. Well done.

4. People who go against mainstream...like everyone else does.

Read a book. I bet no one does that. Then you'd be hip.

Their first album was the best, right? Wrong. They were shittier musicians back then. Just shut the fuck up. When all is said and done, all your friends will rid themselves of shame for liking things that aren't filth, and you'll be alone, living in your mom's basement listening to Pablo Honey on repeat and watching Donnie Darko.

3. My Mom's idea of God

My mom loves me. If I lived in a town with a bunch of hedons, I betchya billions she wouldn't drop fireballs on top our heads, even after several warnings. So this fire tossing, tower of unity destroying maniac loves me? Then does mommy dearest...super love me?

2. Nickelback

Take the worst parts of country (yes, a bad thing can be even worse) and mix it with the worst parts of rock (say it aint so) and add in mediocre pop sensibilities, and you have this shitty band. If you haven't ever listened to them, continue down that path. Let this merely be yet another warning to stay away.

OK, a shitty band, but why so high on the list? Even past killer robots and mayonnaise? Because the suck THAT FUCKING MUCH.

1. American's who hate America


I have no picture for this.

I'm sick of these mother fuckers jumping on the bandwagon when they have no idea what they're talking about. All soldiers are murderers they say, just hired thugs for a corrupt government. The same government that cares nothing for it's people. Idiots.

Big Mike and I have our disagreements with government. You have to understand, though, that ideally, this country is the greatest in all the world. You also need to remember, that this is one of the few havens on the planet where you can speak your mind, and not be murdered in the street for it. Of course when you try to usurp the ruling body, they wont like that. That is to be expected.

The misdeeds of American soldiers, and the corruption and weakness that is our government has been mentioned several times on this site. That doesn't mean that we hate either. The opposite, in fact. We love our freedoms that are afford to us, and know that without the hard working soldiers that REALLY DO keep us safe, we would be conquered, no doubt.

We just understand the difference between pointing out flaws, and trying to get to the world to realize we aren't all the brick headed buffoons many of our fore-running politicians are, and that we care about our image, as opposed to screaming "Huzzah! That damn building blower upper sand nigger is done finally did in!"

So before you stare at the t.v, giving into all the bullshit that everyone else does, trusting your far leftist bullshit, which is equally corrupt, and rotting your teeth further as you take advantage of the many things afforded to you, probably for free, thank someone, anyone, for being able to be safe in this country. And try blaming yourself for a problem. Because if you can't get off your ass and stir up a raucous over something that you believe if truly wrong...

Everything wrong in this country is your fault. 

My 10 least favorite things Pt. 1

Hello again. My new keyboard has finally arrived, in timing of recuperated fervor. So, onto the list.

10. Ex Girlfriends

Seeing as how I wouldn't post a picture of an actual ex-girlfriend, this only seemed fitting.

You see, I always considered myself to be, above most else, a very nice guy. So I figure that the reasons for being stepped on, is former weight problems (which are still present but diminishing) or mental...oddities. Either reason not a reason for cruelty. So if you couldn't hang, tell me, and stop hanging. No reason to rip my heart out. I can be an asshole, but never when uncultivated to do so.

9. Sluts

I don't mean someone who has a bunch of sex, even with lots of different people. That's just being promiscuous (to me at least). I view a slut as a person who doesn't truly hold their-self in any sort of regard, has no standards for a partner other than shallow ones, and dresses in a disgusting manner to attract something that should be beautiful, even if it's frequent.


8. Hippies

I think there are people who view themselves as hippies, just because they believe in peace and unity and all that whatnotness. That's totally cool. They aren't hippies, though. A hippie is a dirty, self outcasted lazy bum who choses peace for the lust of inaction and free things, wanting wealth to be shared, as in have others do real work for them. Shame on them.


7. Robots that think on a personal level

Human creativity extends to all reaches of possibility. Instead of giving indestructible potential killing machines self conscious thought in a world they come into as inferior socially, bonded to their masters as a slave forever, (hello grudge turns into human destruction?) we should focus on curing cancer, or finding a unified theory for quantum mechanics.

6. Mayonnaise 

It is beyond cavernously disgusting, horrible for you, and looks like a dude's cum, which I never want in my mouth. Plus, I'm allergic to it, meaning not only is it bad for me in all ways, but it would kill me, even if everyone where to tell me I was exaggerating on all the other levels.



In mid type, I realized I need sleep before I die. So ponder, if you will, my top five least favorite things. If you guess them all right, well, you win nothing. Get some exercise.

~Xavier R.