Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Many a moon later, we present: Mental Anguish and stress nightmares

The most peculiar thing happened to my subconscious mind. I was plagued by the most wicked nightmares that were intermittent with random moments of graphic sex. Now, I'm not sure if it was the sudden political upheaval of the Turkish government (and the bloody battle that lead to it), the theft of my Mother's golden Marvel superhero statuettes, the raiding of my house by murderous boy scouts, the gain of love then lost of trust by the woman I'm infatuated with, or, god damn it, the rampant drug use. However, when I woke up this morning, I was feeling a little uneasy.

Now, often times I will be able to tie in my real life situation into nightmares I'm having, because usually your conscious mind can either translate into your dreams, or you can at least dream slightly of the future given situations that you, again, have experienced whilst awake. These things I dreamed of, however, I could not quite find my inner self's motivation for.

With nightmares I have noticed though, it usually pertains to fears on an emotional level. Big scary monsters and ghosts and the like usually don't work on me, so my inner self finds other things. Often times, if you notice about even yourself, there is no actually correlation (or at least immediately) however you still exude those feelings of dread.

Or, fuck it, who knows. Maybe my evil twin Teddy is at it again with poisoning my coffee.

This shall surely affect my inheritance!
That being said, with the introduction of me relocating to a new home for both my well being and for work, I find myself with a new home office. I feel like writing again. I think I will. Hopefully not about nightmares that have me waking up feeling like I just survived a nuclear war.

Or maybe I will. I just reread the works of Kafka not long ago. Who knows what I'm capable of...

Getting another cup of coffee, that's what.

~Xavier R.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Book Report: Chuck Palahniuk's "Invisible Monsters"

"Nothing of me is original, I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."
 Invisible Monsters is Chuck Palahniuk's third published novel and tells the story of an up-and-coming fashion model horribly disfigured by a stray bullet that leaves her horribly disfigured. Her jaw is gone, unable to talk, she goes from being the center of attention to a horrible monster no one can bear to look at. She embarks on a road trip with a stunning transsexual and her ex fiance to steal drugs and hormones from rich old people's open houses.

 The story itself is deceptively simple though it jumps schizophrenically between four different points in the story: the model with her parent's during holidays, modeling with her best friend, her in the hospital after the accident and on the road with the other two characters getting into shenanigans. I did seem to predict the larger plot points and twists, being familiar with Palahniuk's work. Also, I did miss his novel writing quirks present in his later works (like the oral biography in Rant or the epistolary screeds of Pygmy). I'd still say give it a read. You'll either love it or hate it.

 Plot and Characters aside, the Themes really shine here. Much like Fight Club, the central theme seems to be self destruction, whereas it seems the narrator had something to prove in his slow decent into madness and domestic terrorism, the cast of Invisible Monsters seem hell bent on doing nothing but spiting their parents. They know they're not original, a copy of a copy of a copy, so instead of trying to meet the expectations of their parents (who, like in Fight Club, are also analogous to God) and society, they try instead to be monsters in their own respective ways in a desperate attempt to be original.

All in all, I'd say it was pretty good. I'm not much of a fashionista, so if you're really not interested in our jaw-less protagonist talking for page after page about what the other characters are wearing like Tyler Durden talked about saponification and explosives, just skim it like I did. I don't think I missed much.

As a note, I'd like to say these were my impressions after reading the straight novel version of Invisible Monsters, not the Remix version, which is a retooling with late era Palahniuk's characteristically ergodic flair. I'm looking forward to that, for sure.

Big Mike.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Straight from the headlines! (Or the gutters)

Tonight, it will be decided who the two primary knuckleheads running for President Of The United States Of America will be. Are you excited? I hope not, because the likeliness of a viable candidate who has minimal self interest, proper experience, a caring attitude, and looks fresh in a one piece is pretty damn close to impossible. Sheer folly I say. Sheer folly!

Soak it all in. Try not to cum too quickly.

~Xavier R.


Vote carefully. Its important to know which garbage can your ballot is going to be tossed into.

EDIT* 2-3-2016 So apparently I stated what would occur incorrectly. The party selections haven't happened quite yet, but the sentiment stands.

PLAYLIST 2-1-2016

Out Of The Black - Royal Blood

Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega

Boys Wanna Be Her - Peaches

Spiderbite - Jerry Cantrell

Goodbye Pork Pie Hat (Charles Mingus Cover) - Jeff Beck

Monday, January 18, 2016

In the depraved genius lump of goo of mine known as a brain


Drinking Alcohol gets you drunk
Eating too much food makes you fat
Writing words makes a story
Talking points are used for articles

I have eaten a lot of trail mix today. It is because I was hungry, and put too much hot sauce in my regularly scheduled breakfast.

I am older now.

Just remember this parting wisdom;

Large athletic men crashing into each other while an oddly shaped ball is tossed up and down a muddy grass field is prime time entertainment.

~Xavier R.

Playlist 1-18-2016

A Day At The Races - Jurassic 5

Scars - X Japan

Grandma Dynamite  - 24-7 Spyz

Servitude - Fishbone

Here's Lookin' At You Babe - Dr. Madd Vibe (Angelo Moore)

Friday, January 8, 2016

Conservatives Worship A Liberal Jesus (Apparently)

The United States of America, or 'Murica, in some circles, is a predominately Christian nation. While I do my best to talk about fairly universal things, I am more familiar with this particular religion, so, uh, whatever.

That being said, I want to say something before I start. I have a lot of unique and odd views with religion and spirituality, however I am a Christian. Now, I don't say that to defend myself from the bitchy horde that is the internet, I say it so that you can take it into consideration during the non-bias(non-bias-ish) elaboration. 

If Jesus was alive today, there is no way he could be a pastor of an evangelical church or a Catholic bishop. Evangelicals and conservative Catholics live off of making the distinction between their undeniable "truths" against the failings of their followers, whereas in contrast, Jesus was all about empathy and forgiveness. It's peculiar when atheists follow concepts of the gospel far better than many Christians. 

An example from "Why I Am An Atheist Who Believes In God: How To Give Love, Create Beauty And Find Peace" by Frank Schaeffer:

"Put it this way: Godless non-church-going Denmark mandates four weeks of maternity leave before childbirth and fourteen weeks afterward for mothers. Parents of newborn children are assisted with well-baby nurse-practitioner visits in their homes. In allegedly Pro-life and family friendly American Bible belt, conservative political leaders slash programs designed to help women and children while creating a justifying mythology about handouts versus empowerment."

In 'Murica, the poor are now part of what these very conservative individuals see as the problem, moochers and takers, and many side with today's also conservative media, attacking the poor while claiming it is following the Bible. So how exactly is the following the same Jesus of the Bible?

So it's as if there is that particular choice of actually following the ideals of a Hippie Pacifist Socialist Jew, or a book of contradiction.

Think about Jesus' conflicting issues with the religion that he had been a part of at the time. The Torah would say a particular something, but then he would say whatever else as part of his preaching. Against the written law of his religion, he favored empathy over it. Whenever he would undermined it,  it was of suffering love. A very liberal lifestyle. As a non-saved humanist, he would even be denied sacrament.

Kung-Fu anime Jesus don't need no wafers

So what is a Christian? Is it a follower of Christ's ideals, or a member of an organization with specific goals that go to the contrary?

You decide.

Or let your Conservative church decide, you lazy hobo loving sinner.

~Xavier R.

Playlist 1-8-2015

Peace Train - Cat Stevens

Low - Cracker

Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something

Bring Da Ruckus - Wu-Tang Clan

Daft Punk Is Playing At My House - LCD SOundsystem

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

I see the colors

I don't deny
That I understand
What is in at the moment
Full of holes
Check for them
Make your eyes
They wont forget
Take for now

I've no idea how we got here
I'm trying to displace this body again
But I can't get out

You can sound
Live back down
Call invitations
In the edges
I'ts alright

I've no idea why you are so tired
You know stuff in the way
Sunrise is all its about

There's a light cut out for you
There's a light cut out for me
There's a chance for this life
There's a chance of this for us
For all I can go
Apartment by the sea
The skin is burning
The skin is failing
Can you feel that good shit, man?
Can you feel that twisting me?

I want to go back
I want back
I'm back, I'm back
I wanna go back I'm back
I want back, I'm back

I see the colors, I see the colors, I see the colors, I see the colors

~Xavier R.

Playlist 1-5-2016

Ghost Mountain - Barrett Martin Group

Santeria - Sublime

Goodbye Pork Pie Hat - Charles Mingus

Walkin' On The Sun - Smash Mouth

Key&Peele Theme Song - Reggie Watts