Saturday, July 16, 2011

Why Tequila Doesn't Lead to Crazier Nights, and Why You're an Idiot for Thinking It Does...

Charlie's first article! Everybody clap for Charlie! Yaaaay!

Being a college student, I spend a large portion of my time drinking, and a decent portion of that drinking time is also spent in the presence of other college students. As a direct result of this, I've had to be subject to listening to a series of absurdist conversations about which alcoholic drinks get you "more drunk", lead to more reckless or "crazy" behavior while drinking, or more unpleasant mornings. One of the most common idiotic statements I've had to be personally subject to is that, "Tequila always gets me in trouble..." In order to address whether or not this statement has any foundation in reality, let's talk a little about about alcohol itself...

"Alcohol" as we know it refers to Ethanol, or ethyl alcohol - a string of two carbons bonded to a hydroxyl (-OH) group and a constitutional isomer of dimethyl ether, often abbreviated as "EtOH". Ethanol is the second simplest alcohol behind methanol, with the family of alcohols being identified by their primary functional group, the hydroxyl (-OH) group. Ethanol for human consumption has classically been produced by the fermentation of natural sugars by yeast in an anaerobic environment, also producing carbon dioxide in the process. How EtOH is produced isn't really the question here though, is it? You fucks have wikipedia for that.

Ethanol works in the brain as a GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) agonist; roughly the same mechanism as the benzodiazapenes (roofies), barbituates, some insomnia medications and a host of other weird psychoactives. In general, ethanol mimics endogenous GABA and activates it's receptor, albeit in a slightly different way than endogenous GABA and with different affinities, working to depress other neurochemical function in the brain. Thus, the source of that stupid word "depressant". Oh yeah, ethanol is also a depressant at all dosages. The "stimulant in small doses, depressant in large" thing your asshole teacher told you is blatently false.
Anyway, though the process of fermentation is the same for most alcoholic beverages on the market today, there are numerous different refinements that can be made to the resulting liquid. Beer generally changes little after fermentation, resulting in a beverage containing between 5-8% ethanol by volume. Wines are often fermented slightly longer, and are aged in wood casks for a number of years before being bottled, often ending-up with a final ethanol content in the low teens. Distilled spirits are refined further by a process known as "distillation". Distillation functions on the principal that ethanol (and most lower alcohols) vaporize (or "boil") at a lower temperature than water. By heating the water/ethanol mixture at a controlled temperature below the boiling point of water and collecting the resulting vapors, one can achieve a far more concentrated alcohol solution. The vast majority of distilled spirits are around 40% alcohol by volume, and a number of them are aged after distillation - usually whiskeys, bourbons, brandies, gold tequila, etc. Generally, the shit that's dark/brownish in the bottle.

Now, about "proof" and what the fuck it means... "Proofing" alcohol became important when buyers needed to know the alcohol content of a beverage without any fancy chemical analysis techniques. Usually, a purchaser would saturate a small pile of gunpowder with a few drops of the beverage in question and light it on fire. If it lit, it would be "100% proof" that the drink was at least 50% alcohol by volume (specifically, 57.1% ABV). Thus, the "proof" of a drink is roughly twice it's alcohol content by volume, making most 40% ABV drinks referred to as "80 proof".

So, what makes an 80 proof shot of Vodka different from an 80 proof shot of silver tequila, in terms of it's effect on the brain? In short, nothing. Absolutely no difference. One shot of an 80 proof distilled spirit should contain the exact same kind, and amount, of alcohol is any other. What matters here is the concentration of alcohol, and nothing more.

Well, that's not entirely correct...

One interesting effect of aging alcohols in wood casks is that it tends to increase the amount of ethanol-related byproducts present in the beverage, including methanol, formaldahyde, acetone, acetaldehyde, butanol, etc. Most, if not all, of these byproducts are many times more toxic than ethanol itself. Thus, the aged alcohols such as whiskies, bourbons, brandies and gold tequilas tend to lead to more impairment and worse hangover effects than clear distilled spirits or beers.p

It's also worth taking into account how much water, juice or generally non-alcoholic fluids are normally mixed with the spirit being consumed. Is it being consumed in shots, or is it being mixed with 20oz of iced water or fruit juice?p
So, to wrap-up... Is a margarita of one size containing a single shot of 80 proof silver tequila going to make you behave worse than a screwdriver containing a comparable amount of vodka? Probably not, but G-d help you if you spend all night taking shots of Jack Daniel's or Jim Beam... you'll be pissing formaldehyde the next day.

Uh Oh

This morning, in the length of about 45 minutes, I met a girl, brought her home, fucked her, and she left. After two years of not getting any, two years of failing at relationships, two years of having chances and not taking them, I finally snagged up some slut that I didn't know, and fucked her.

At first, I was stoked, and it made my day. Life felt good, with me getting some pussy. Then later, as in now, I just feel really weird about it. That despite the fact that I conquered a particular part of myself, just gave in and "got me some", I still feel like I failed some how.

I still feel angry, cynical, weird, awkward, fat, itchy on my lower belly (I think its the dairy) and frustrated. I feel dark, and dirty. Shit, I never even exchanged names with the chick. What the fuck.

Then again, I did get laid.

~Xavier R.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Duke Nukem Forever

Nothing like bloody gibs and playful misogynism to make for a good evening.If I'm not punching giant monsters in the balls after copious amounts of rockets to the face (its face), I'm playing against basement dwellers online, gleefully accepting constant demise as I vow revenge. Over and over. I love you violence. You too, internet.

Here's something that will hurt your soul;

This may cause damage also(or heal it, depending on your views);

Uh, about it.

Oh, I can't forget. Here is a thing I randomly stole of a news site to show how back into touch with "society" I'm getting. Did I even read this before hand? No. Shows you how much I care about things that aren't things I like.

Don't tip. They're racists,

~Xavier R.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Making Music with Michael McCormack

Amazing what you can do with Guitar Pro, I sincerely recommend it to anyone.

Firstly, the title: I got the idea from The Young Turks. I hate conservative women with a passion, they're a real boner killer.

There's also no vocals, but I've got lyrics. They don't really have much to do with the title. They'll come in around the 1:38 mark.

The sun hasn't changed kid
It's only gotten a little different
the earth is on fire
but the sky's still for rent
I like to watch it some times
to see the scenery melt
the ugliness in the reflection
prettiest thing you ever felt
you like to watch it steam
I like to feel it glow
I'll eat that copper, dear
then I'll have to go.

So yeah, I'm gonna get drunk later and record the vocals, it's gonna be awesome.


Love Big Mike.

Do you believe in god?

Last night at work as I was putting misc. stuff on a misc. shelf, I swore, as I usually do. However, a customer heard me, and seemed to be taken aback. I looked over and up, and apologized up and down. He looked deep into my eyes and said
"No matter." And then they took off all his clothes. This was, of course, very shocking to me, and I just kept kneeling there, in the terror of the unknown possibilities. He then said
"I am the Duke!" As he began to levitate and spin, with a bowl of blue jello materialized into his hand.

As he spun and hovered, his body contorted and his bones crackled, all the while still balancing the bowl of blue jello. It wasn't long until he burst into flames and shot through the ceiling. I promptly decided to tell no one who didn't already notice, and went back to my shelf stocking.

A new topic; Chicks from my past.

Why do I keep seeing/hearing/running into them? As soon as such matters find their way into the farthest reaches of the back of my skull, in come more reason to dwell on old thoughts. Fate heeds I conquered the unconquered? It makes you wonder. Bah di di dum. It makes you think.

Just thought of this after I had already typed everything else up. But resolve. Fate heeds I constantly test my resolve. I need not linger on past stomping grounds. I should just conquer the grounds those grounds reside within. Well put, me. Well put, you genius son of a man.

Fret not, minions O Mike, I will have Kee Mao sometime soon. Very soon.


~Xavier R.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Is it weird that I stare when I masturbate?

Commercials me stupid. Even ones on the internet. I like candy. omfg what? Anyways, stupid commercials. I didn't even talk about commercials to bring up my unpaid advert for candy. See? What?

Everyone is the same pretty much. I'm sober as a kitten, and my brain is a box of tangerines. I'm smoking a cigar right now, and god damn it I'm ENJOYING MYSELF

XXX; Means dicking of vag, vaging of vag, dicking of dick, or mouthing of anus. I may have missed a few. Animals don't count. Sorry. For nothing.

The night before last I saw the last girl I've fucked. The night before that I saw the first girl I ever saw completely strip that I wasn't about to bone.

Here it is, the picture that always comes nowadays

 Goat Brie ftw,

~Xavier R.

p.s. An English girl once told me she'd have my "little black babies." Awesome.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Es schreibt im Blog oder es wird der Schlauch wieder.

"Big Black is a decent band and all, but it's not worth making the whole house smell like smoke and shit. I just cleaned the carpets"

So I figure I'd write something quick before I went to work. Something just for my buddy Xavier.

I was thinking about a rig set up. How about a custom thunderbird with a rickenbacker 4003 set-up (that is two seperate outputs for each pick-up) one pick up going through a bass distortion pedal into an ashdown. The other going into an octaver that transposes the signal up one octave and turns the signal into a fifth of itself, into a Big Muff and finally into an orange.

Doesn't that sound fuckin' sexy?

For the rest of our readership, which seems for one reason or another, be all lesbians, a picture of my penis:

Love Big Mike, n'shit.

Head Fuckery, at it's Finest.

So I pretended I was a moron for five minutes and listened to a song by Marilyn Manson and well... just listen. I'll wait.

That's got to be the most offensive song ever.
Again, if you're handy dandy idiot goggles happen to be on.
Lets hope you didn't super glue them to your skull, you fucking moron.
Seriously, the only reason you're alive is because we can't put you down.

Topic: When is the last time you had your brain pussy penetrated? probably never like I'm about to fuck it.

Y'see you might have read a good book or maybe even seen a good movie that makes you re-evaluate the way you see the world. The first time you read a bummer ending is always better then ten happy endings because it's real and and it hits you hard. Slams the g-spot in your skull like the dirty whore it is and you love it.

I thought I had a pretty colorful repartee of books and movies under my considerable belt, until I asked my friend charlie about what books I should read.

My friend Charlie.

"I dont read fiction, but if I had to suggest a novel, the only one I would suggest would have to be 'House of Leaves'"
"What's it about?" I ask
"It's a book about a book about a movie about a house that's bigger on the inside then it is on the outside"

"You're shitting me, how long is it?"

"about 700 pages, it's got an index too, and footnotes. Some of it's footnotes have footnotes."

"Why the fuck would I even read that?"

"Reading it's like going insane, some of the pages are printed backwards, upside down, in braile, musical notation and some pages only have 3 and a half words on them. It make you feel claustrophobic"

And I bought it, and pretty reasonably too: its like a psychotic, obsessive compulsive college textbookand it's about the size of one too. 20 bucks, get it.

Love Big Mike.
Sorry for the late posts, I'm measuring my apartment compulsively alot these days.

Korn and a cigar in the morning

Everyone meets the darkness. There's no point crying about it.
-Marc Antony(I think?)

Carpe Diem!

~Xavier R.