Wednesday, June 14, 2017

If bullshit politics were genitals, we'd all be getting laid

God damn it I am tired of all of these headlines about our government being a bunch of cocksuckers. I'm not saying that these things should be hidden from us, it's just a damn crying shame that there's so much of this nonsense going around, that it has to be plastered on every damn media outlet the world over. Come to think of it, me bitching about it makes it one in the same.

Now, scandals and such aside, a big problem with political ideals is that they are hard to argue. Not so much the actual concepts, but in some parts of the countries certain things are so ingrained into the local psyche, that you might as well tell a poor televangelist that jesus was actually just a jello cup. It won't get you anywhere.

There are some things that seem so obvious, that it causes absurdity when it's disagreed with. A big one with liberals, is absolute equality. The big case of the day, being homosexuality.

Now personally, I do not see how one can make a choice to be gay or straight, beyond just choosing to act out in a certain way randomly. So calling it a lifestyle, to me, is ridiculous. Yet time and time again, these people are chastised,  beaten, denied basic rights, etc. If they are good, decent human beings, then they shouldn't be denied anything.

However, American conservatism, often rooted in archaic religion (christianity) states homosexuality as an ultimate sin, thusly it damages society in general to allow it.

Now a big one with conservatives, is fiscal responsibility. Now, Israel, religious matters and the whole Medicare scandal aside, programs tend to be paid for without proper, long term backing properly planned out when a more liberal government is in charge. Such as constant debt ceiling lifting, funds pulled from either inflation or fed borrowing. This causes a bunch of fussing, and yada yada, we all suck.

So what am I trying to get across with all this?

Nothing, because it's pretty much pointless.

What I can say further, though, is that if something hurts, don't fucking do it, even if not doing so goes against some type of doctrine that's been force fed to you forever. For example, If your kids are sick and dying, put medicine inside them, instead of dancing along with bullshit populist nonsense. Because if it seems like a bad idea, you know, dead kids and all, I'm sure it is a bad idea.

Now, while in the editing process for the post, Big Mike suggests I really drive my cynicism home (if the cynical approach is what I'm trying to take) something like "whatever, all politicians, left or right, are just child raping vampires. Fuck your political wing and fuck you too."

So yeah, the whole thing is fucked. There are some good ideas. Some good philosophies. The whole discussion is moot though, because it really is all pointless and we're all a bunch of stupid, murderous rape monkeys with smart phones and sneakers which won't matter when the sun explodes and kills everyone anyway in a righteous solar cleansing. Personally, I am hoping for the sun melting and not incineration. We will see. 

Man o man do I miss the poop jokes of my late teens/early 20s. I wasn't so concerned about much, besides how many tourist chicks I could bang, or where I could find some pot. Though I do now feel the effects of things like a bad economy and institutionalized racism like never before, maybe I shouldnt call it "concern". After all, I'm just a murderous rape monkey with a smart phone and sneakers.


~X


Monday, June 12, 2017

I think I'm going to throw up.

So I was informed just hours ago, that for some years now, a mobile app has existed for blogger. Now, while apathy and lack of creative juices obviously played a part in many months of silence, the void of equipment needed had also caused many drawbacks. Oh well, hindsight is a bunch of numbers or whatever. That also means that I'll be able to log on more often now, and talk about stuff and things while dropping a duece. Which I could be doing now, you don't know.

Anyhoo...

There is a lot of things that I do relatively well. I'm a pretty good musician, not a terrible boxer, a decent writer, and of course a world class lover. However, something in particular, which may or may note cause more problems then it does glory, so how I am a champion drinker. 

Just so there's no misunderstanding to the classy toddlers that read this;

Alcohol, not apple juice.

One of the beautiful things that alcohol does, is loosen you up in a way that deletes the concerns for the future. That way, besides losing the fear of rejection and that social retardation just slipping away, by golly once you hit the sweet spot, that level you strove for, you don't even care that you'll probably be tossing spaghetti chunks out your mouth hole.

Now, another just lovely thing about this poison is that it's cheap. Well, it can be cheap. If the need to drown your woes is ever pulsating in your weak mortal skull, it's good to know that after a bus ride and a 10 spot with a couple of singles, you can find yourself embracing a half gallon of vodka swill while crying on your couch watching adult cartoons.

Now, being like a true champ, a barron of bad shits, a duke of dying D cells, comes with a lot of responsibility. You have to constantly be on a charm offensive, so that you don't seem out of the ordinary. What does that mean?

Well, have you ever gone on a walk into town for a cheeseburger, but your legs felt like goo, everything was hilarious, and you just didn't give a fuck? Well that's called having the drunk munchies. Now, driving like this is the purest form of retardation, so no drive through for you. You must be face to face. However, you can't just laugh and stumble around, then stare at the order taker's tits. You have to compliment them, too. You also need to keep a smile of your face while you do an erotic jig. See? Charm.

Then, when you run into some type of authority figure, such as a cop or your dumb wife, you can't just fall over next to them and blame the wind (though as a last resort it might not hurt). You need to be able to carry yourself with a certain level of dignity so that, with either person, you don't end up in a cage eating shitty food. 

Now me in particular, I am what you call a pro. I practically wrote the book on having yourself a responsible drink from time and time. Sure, I've needed to reprint that book a couple dozen times because I either piss or puke on the one prior, but so what? Sure, I've gone empty handed with the ladies at bars a bunch, but they don't call me the bi-annual 10 slammer for nothing. I'm practically every quote from some stupid book about being cool that you've ever even considered reading. 

Perhaps it doesn't help that being drunk causes bad eating habits, among other serious health issues. You can always remember though, that eating cheeseburgers is fucking awesome. What do doctors know anyways? They went to college, and college is for nerds. 

Haha, nerds.

So remember, while some nerd in a white coat might tell you that alcohol is killing a higher percentage of people every year, that you should slow down, and probably exercise more, but can still drink and have fun as long as you limit it to the weekends or perhaps just celebrations, you tell them this;

No.

Because the world sucks, and God is dead.


~X

P.s. I hope you learned something. If not, I'm sorry you're too dumb to learn. If you did, I'm sorry you're dumb and needed to learn this.