Monday, December 28, 2015

My New Years Resolution (And why you shouldn't care)

O.k. So, I want to stop eating tasty food that makes me happy, stop drinking alcohol (which makes me sociable), and exercise a whole lot more instead of relax before and after a mentally draining job, and focus on the more grueling parts of my fun music career.

That's my new years resolution.

Here is the problem;

There is no problem.

Photo of me on Christmas eve. OK, maybe a little bit of a problem.


I will likely lose a lot of weight for health reasons, and also it makes it easier to prance around on stage as a performer. However, give up delicious rice and potatoes completely? Fuck you.

I will cut down on drinking, obviously, because when I'm drunk too many days in a row, I tend to talk too much and break things, and that's bad. But no cocktails on my birthday or at a concert? Again, fuck you.

And exercise, ah yes. I should go on morning jogs, of course. I should lift some weights after work, sure. But my boxing career (which hardly existed) is over, and I'm not joining the marines anytime soon. So, fuck you.

Working harder on promotion and recording for my music? Well, that obviously needs to improve. Fuck you anyways.

I say "Fuck you" after each bit because people always seem to set these expectations out loud, for the rest of the world. I don't do those things for you, I do them for me. So, I have decided to be a hypocrite and tell you about it anyways.

Why?

Because fuck you. That's why.

~Xavier R.

Playlist 12-28-2015

I'm Your Super Glue - Tenement

Future People - Alabama Shakes

Caffeinated Consciousness - Tv On The Radio

Stabbed In The Face - Wolf Eyes

Screen Shot - Swans


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Suppose They Gave a Star War and Nobody Came


You and I both know that the new Star Wars movie is going to make a obscene amount of money, I'd say they'd literally be "raking it in" but that would be wrong; even if they changed all the money they'll make into thousand dollar bills there is still not a rake big enough in this plane of existence to rake it "in" in an expedient matter. The chips have already fallen and they're confident the movie is going to make a billion fucking dollars. With ridiculous cross promotion everywhere (collector's edition Star Wars Band-Aid tins anyone?), TV and internet ads and advanced ticket sales kicking the internet in the head, it's impossible to imagine a world where this movie won't make more than the GDP 27 countries. But a man can dream, no?

Better start cutting yourself kids. This bizarre compulsion to collect tins of Band-Aids isn't going to rationalize itself! 
So if the average American movie ticket is around $8.38 and the budget for the movie itself is $200 million; if less than twenty-three-point-nine million people watched it in theaters it wouldn't recoup its budget. This is obviously flawed math, as it doesn't take into account foreign markets, home entertainment, merchandise and the $4 billion Disney spent buying Lucasfilm in the first place. Though I still think people not watching Star Wars in theaters is a step in the right direction, it's really beyond my capabilities to say what will make the evil Disney empire fall.

In all this how you may be asking yourself why I want the new Star Wars (and therefore Mickey, Minnie, Goofy et al.) to fail. Disney is creatively bankrupt, decedent and a cancer on our culture. Disney, at their most creative just makes Shakespeare plays into movies about talking animals. Now they seem content merely with beating the dead horses named Marvel and Star Wars. They're making their money off of the backs of franchises made famous by people far more creative then them. I just think it's a behavior we shouldn't condone with our money.

Disney must pay for their sins.
Then again, I'm probably going to watch it too. Fuck it, boycott Star Wars or don't, I don't care. All I really want to see is Mickey Mouse cry into a glass of his Macallan '39 and hang a rope from a rafter.

Love,
Big Mike.

P.S. By the way, did you hear there are black people in it? Hopefully America is as racist as Tumblr says it is, and our amorphous white male patriarchal systems of oppression will trigger it out of existence.

Sleep tight!

Monday, December 14, 2015

SciFi Sandwich

With the impending release of the new Star Wars Movie, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, even the closet scifi fans are coming out in force (pun not intended). Of course, most will enjoy a movie that is part of the most famous cinematic series of all time, but some will rant about a genre and film series they actually know nothing about, bitching about how anti-White Jewish activist J.J. Abrams (Caster of Black Leads, hater of the Christians, and eater of children) is going to fuck everything up. Fuck it up worse then even the Prequel trilogy, which apparently made hundreds of millions of dollars each for no reason.

"Thanks a lot Disney! Boycott!" One of the many shouts they yell from their mother's trailer roof.
We want your money...and your soul.

It really is a repeating process with these people. First J.J. Abrams is a pig for accepting to direct films in both universes, then he is part of a conspiracy to cast ethnic leads to apparently destroy the white race. Sorry for the changing status quo, everyone.

Oldie but goodie

What is funny to me, is how this type of white-genocide politics and...hoo haw...doesn't exist in any of the universes in which these people are bitching about. Take Star Trek, a classic for many decades, had a multi racial cast because the creators realized that in a future of unity and putting the strongest foot forward, that would come from all sorts of backgrounds. And think realistically; You view any alien species from any book, comic, t.v. show, or movie, and you don't view them as particularly different, except maybe minor differences from genetic variation or maybe the climate of the area that they came from. Sound familiar?

"But having a black lead is playing into being politically correct!"

How? Fucking how? He merely got the god damn part. But of course it's affirmative action, even though he is English...

John Boyega at his audition for his Debut Movie,"Hit The Block"

John Boyega, the focus of these people's spite plays Fin, the storm trooper turned Jedi (I guess?) in the new Star Wars trilogy. What is interesting though, he doesn't even get guff from his capabilities as a thespian. You know, classically trained, theater and screen, critically acclaimed, which I'm sure Jim-bob backwater scifi fan (Dukes of Hazard is scifi, right?) is all green over. It's just the poison of his pigment. (Black, in case you weren't following.)

But let us not forget Hayden Christensen.

You'll always be Darth to me, pretty boy.

Hated for his wooden acting and his general creepiness (he was to be the lord of the Sith, so a criticism I never quite got.), he stands as despised for his roll, despite the massive success of the movies that he starred in brought to the pockets of George Lucas and...uh...whoever else. In all fairness though, mouth breathing scifi geeks and basement dwellers the world over would likely have hated a young Marlon Brando in the roll, because that's just the way they are.

So with either lack of information or a hatred of anything new, which leading character do we all feel would come out on top? Well, here at Spanky's Art House Porno theater, we actually got an exclusive. We Sat John Boyega and Hayden Christensen down, and gave them some peach schnapps. The results? Well...

May the force be in you


Yeah.

~Xavier R.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Let My Insecurities Dictate The Art You Enjoy.


Allow me to let you in on a little secret, gentle reader. I don't give a fuck how you feel. My compatriot doesn't give a fuck about how you feel either. We're hard pressed as it stands to give one iota of a fuck about what you think or what your opinions are, but we really couldn't give a subatomic fuck about how offended you feel. 

Personally, this little website is for me to put up my half baked opinions and silly short stories up for posterity. I don't really feel any shame or embarrassment for the things I write so I figure fuck it, why not put it up for the world to see?

Xavier and I really do appreciate your commentary, good and bad (Frankly, most of the time it's negative) because it tells us you at least read us. We love people who hate our shit and act disrespectfully because they're fun to fuck with. We're also open to having our ideas challenged if a reasoned debate is your thing. The internet is a great place to engage with creative types, their fans, detractors and hecklers and should remain a place for the free expression of all.

However, something I will never abide by is people who think the world should coddle them and keep them safe from their own insecurities and use this as a reason to call art they don't like whatever "ism" they think will silence it. People like this always say they aren't being "Censors" but that they're just critiquing popular culture. I disagree. The problem with you people (yes, I do mean you people) is you never seem to look at a piece of art on it's artistic merits but how "diverse" it is. As if "diversity" is an artistic statement in and of itself.

If there are "too many" men and not enough women the piece of art is sexist.
If there are "too many" white people and not enough "people of color" the piece of art is racist.
If there are "too many" straight people and not enough gay people the piece of art is homophobic.
If there are "too many" trim, healthy people and not enough overweight people the piece of art is fatphobic.
If there are "too many" cisgendered people and not enough transsexuals or nonbinary zhes and zhers, the piece of art is transphobic.

What would happen if I made the perfect, socially conscious movie about a gay, trans, three hundred pound woman of color? Of course you sloppy, over sensitive clit mounds would still cry foul. If your pet minority has representation, then it's invariably (in your expert estimation) represented poorly or negatively. "It's a stereotype!" you'll cry "We gay, trans three hundred pound women of color don't act like that at all!"

Wait, so you're saying you want the characters in books, comics, movies and video games to act like "normal" human beings? Why then do you feel you can't relate to the characters the people with actual artistic talent create? It's almost as if creating art, or more over, DICTATING to artists what quotas and social-justice-checklists would make you feel better doesn't make for good art.

I've said this to people who whine about the lack of diversity in a piece of art before: If you don't like it, don't consume it, make your own. Get off your special snowflake ass to make art you feel "validates" your "lived experience". If that's too hard and want to critique something you don't like instead; do it on it's artistic merits. I'll be right there with you. Calling something sexist, racist, homophobic, fat-phobic or trans-phobic because it doesn't pass your wholly subjective and arbitrary litmus test though is not a critique, that's just you being a whimpering cunt.

Just because an artist doesn't put gays, black people, fat people, trans folk or women in their art does not mean they hate those groups of people. However, if you do think that then I hate you.

Love,
Big Mike.



Thursday, December 10, 2015

"I Sat Rahnd The Haass Wankin'!"


I did it you lovely, anonymous whiners and wankers, I've gotten employed! How cool is that? I feel the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm almost 100% positive it's not a train. Yeah buddies!

In matters of the Porno Theatre, I have good news about writing... but first I'd like to tell you about flash fiction. Y'see, if you look at most of my fiction it's all very brief and vague and I'll admit it kinda shitty. I'm not afraid to admit I've been influenced greatly by the author Etgar Keret and much like my other early-twenties obsessions (Tom Waits, Charles Burns comics, Marijuana) they influenced my work, for better or for worse. Thing is no one but writers give a shit about stories under 500 words.

Even though these vignettes and snippets of stories as they stand today bring me great shame; they will still stand as a monolith, much like a eleven-year-old's boner in gym shorts. While I find these stories personally cringey I still see potential in them. The stories I see room to grow will get my tender love and abuse, and around 5000 more words.

As a matter of fact, I'm working on a burly first draft of a story loosely based on my original short-story entry to the Hallowed Halls of the Great Porno Theatre, in Spanky's name (Sleaze Be Upon Him) and through it's carefully crafted exposition and context will be the story I always meant to write but was too stoned to.

Good times ahead, ladies and gentlemen.

Love,
Big Mike.

Spanky of the Art House (Sleaze Be Upon Him)


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Mary Forsberg is a cunt

Not only is she a cunt, she is as selfish as the man she bitterly chastises in death, if not worse.

You see, Mary Forsberg is the ex-wife of the late singer Scott Weiland, the very Scott Weiland I referenced just the other day.

Mary, you see, penned an open letter to rolling stone about the impact of him and his life and death on her and her kids. You can read it here.

My Response To Mary;

While the frustration that he wasn't there and the anger that the finances given from those who didn't appreciate the severity of his issues kept his destruction train rolling, I didn't see you turning down checks and getting a different job to support your kids. I recall you publishing a book still using his surname in bold print, and titling it after one of his biggest hit songs.

I recall you shooting up with him in the early nineties, encouraging infidelity against his first wife, and allowing yourself to get impregnated by a man you found to be so erratic and crazy. You didn't do shit to stop the madness then, when you were riding his gravy train of a dick.

Instead of coming across as someone who should be taking the feelings of her children into consideration, you come across as a bitter woman who is thinking only of herself. It definitely is easier to chastise and berate a person who is gone, instead of when they are here, and not use all the resources they have given you. If you saw he wasn't there for the first child, why would you go and have another one him?

Yeah, he was a drug riddled, whisky swilling rockstar. Not all continue down that path once they have kids, but he did. Yet there you were, not actually doing shit to stop it.

Don't try to tell me that you aren't trying to tear down his legacy for the millions he has touched with his talent and entertainment capabilities. That is exactly what you are doing. Encouraging people to look down on those who exert themselves as an artist, after you have drained him dry, of course.

(s)he without sin cast the first stone.

You have no right to be such a hypocrite, Mary.

The energy you put towards your bitter rant would be better fuel for teaching your kids the values of sobriety and loving those who depend on you, not taking away the only good that your ex-husband gave to the world. You could have just given a warning only on the neglect of a selfish drug addict, and a warning to really care for your kids. But you took it too damn far.

Mary Forsberg, you are a cunt.

~Xavier R.

p.s. I wouldn't say anyone is glorifying this tragedy, I would say that we are just acknowledging his impact.

p.s.s. I hope your kids do well. You also, until they no longer live with you. Then you can fuck off.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Development in progress, still(born)

Below is the precursor for a story I've been working on for the past four years called "My Friend the Machine", of which you will notice in the header. It comes from a dream I had some years ago. I had made this post as soon as I had the dream, and called it "Dreamscape I". It was incorporated into the story I've been developing as a mixture of past memory and fantasy.

I was at the house I use to live in before my current, with a few of my friends, one of whom was merely an acquaintance, another a small child.

As my friends and I carelessly played video games on the couch, my "acquaintance"  friend tried getting our attention several times in vain. Finally, he says,

"You guys, the sky, it's freezing where rays of light are normally suppose to shine through!" Finally, I get up to go check, and sure enough, exactly that was happening. In fact, it was as if the atmosphere was freezing, and the freezing sky was spreading. I say to the others

"Really you guys, you need to check this out." Soon they all were seeing, and all started to panic. Being equally scared but calm as a monk, I say

"Don't worry. Even if it all started breaking and falling towards us, by the time it reached us, it would barely do anything at all." This calmed them, and they went back to their video games. Finally, a news report came about the radio (though we didn't have a radio on) and told us that the atmosphere was indeed freezing over, and that they knew nothing of it beyond that.

This caused another round of panic among my friends (the acquaintance who was the panicking the least), and again I reassure them if the sky does indeed fall, (and right then the acquaintance reminds us of the heat caused by acceleration) it will be of very little danger of us, and by looking at it, might not even hit us. (For right there I'd like to point out that the frozen sky looked frozen in large chunks in every direction, but in between the chunks, weren't cracks in the ice, but seams clear of being frozen.)

The ice did eventually crack, however, and exploded, falling unto the world. They began another round of panic, but the acquaintance and I did not. We instead had very amused looks on our face, which the rest found hilarious, and again went back to their video games.

When it did hit us, it was as a thick bombardment of snow. The sliding glass door was open, however, and the snow spilled in, covering the before mentioned child, who was asleep on the floor. I quickly clear him of it. Afterwards I stand up and tell the acquaintance that this is like one of those post-apocalyptic stories we always wished to be apart of as kids. He laughed and agreed.(After this point, the child never appears in the story again, and the "acquaintance" vanishes to go explore, but doesn't tell us.)

A feeling of accomplishment washes over me. I realize that even in an ending world, I can still keep my cool and direct those around me, despite being just as scared. I do not let it control me. I merely acknowledge its existence.

They go about playing video games once more, until the radio comes on again. It goes on about how the atmosphere has been destroyed, and that the world will reach a melting point and then be destroyed. Everyone looks at me in confusion and horror (a responsibility I hardly want) and I shush them down.

(the following is a bit hazy, and I guess 15%-25% of the filler that is not obvious to be important is probably fictional, in regards to the dream, that is.)

A couple girls come into the house at this point, most likely thinking it is a safe place to be. (now that I think about it as I write, probably because the "acquaintance" told them about our calm demeanor and our resources.) I care very little about this, except for the fact that with them is this redhead, who once I see I fall instantly in love with. Her smile makes all the fear inside me go away. I feel an overwhelming warmth. (It should be mentioned, that my girl chatting tendencies usually point me in the directions of apathy or awkwardness. However whenever I see "HER", which has happened a few times, I become indestructible in  will and thought, until either I ultimately succeed or fail.)

I try try to get her to stay with me. But she wont do it. She says she has a boyfriend to get back to. (who I learn, without being told or ever seeing, is one of my friend Jon's cousin) Uncaring, I tell her to forget him, and stay with me. She playfully refuses, and leaves safety.

The acquaintance returns. I ask him what the outside world is like (as I do so, the sky, and everything else outside, has turned completely white). He looks at me, filled with dread, and says nothing. He was pale as a ghost, and I could tell, that he had just given up. I looked around, and no one was left. Despite my sacrificing of humanity to shine fearless for them, seeing the "acquaintance" so wrecked wrecked them, too. They fled away to die. I was alone.

(I fear that particularly important, but unvital, parts of this last section were lost completely)

Chaos. Disorder. Panic. The streets and skies burned with the fears of people. It's funny, because our habitat around us changed drastically, maybe fatally so. But people didn't have to. People didn't need to behave like this. We could have stayed calm, and found a way to deal with it. But across the globe, there was utter pandemonium.

As I walk into town, I convince those I pass to calm down, and they listen. However it seems some retreat from my calming manner, so my efforts do very little. Eventually I make it to the house I lived in before the house at the beginning of the dream. A couple of my friends are there. I don't bother complaining about the fact that they had left a more secure location that was heavy in resources. I just sit. The radio chimes once more.

"It's all over..." and once again they flee. I don't try to stop them. All but one are never seen again. Though it wasn't technically my duty, I felt as though I had the capability of being a Shepard. Though I still did not let the fear consume me, I felt as though I could have stopped them from being fools. Could have stopped them from running like cowards. Though the enemy was not a directly physical one, I could have led them into battle against it. But I didn't. I failed.

I was in a car with the rapper Jay Z and his mom, and they were driving me to 7-11. I thanked them for the ride, and went inside to buy a slurpee. I suddenly have a used slurpee cup, and go over to the chaotically arranged counter, and tell the man that I would like a refill. (Which is silly, because you refill it yourself.) He mocks me in a frightening manner.

"Oh look at me, I need a refill. Lah dee da dee da." as he does a silly dance. Then glares at me. I realize a lot is terrible right now, so I should be grateful. Not that I didn't understand the chaos. I wasn't grateful, however, until right then. After a moment, he laughs a reassuring laugh. I fill it up my slurpee cup, and the man says something along the lines of

"God gives us this world, and we destroy it. He didn't have to share it with us. He has his friends in the sky, and we destroy them with our airplanes and disease." Though I was in complete agreement, I had the feeling that he might suddenly shoot me, so I say

"Praise to god." or something like that, and leave, without paying, which didn't seem to be a matter. I got back in Jay Z's car.

It was night. The world wasn't a piercing white anymore. The night view seemed normal, though chaos was still quite abounding. The driver of the car was suddenly my friend Jon.

As we went down the street, I saw the redhead again. It instantly became daytime. A normal daytime. I shouted out to her. I told her I could take care of her. She said that her boyfriend wouldn't LIKE that, hinting at violence, and she seemed almost happy about it, though I could detect fear in her. I had a feeling I'd see her again. I asked her for a kiss. She thought on it, but then ran over to the car to oblige. Jon re-positioned his now truck so that her approach would be easier, seemingly o.k. with the fact that I was trying to steal his cousin's girlfriend. He then, however, re-positioned his truck once more, and drove away, mentally telling me we have more important things to do. I suffered. It became night once more.

I was now in my moms car. As we drove down the street, I saw a lion, wandering about.
"Was that a fucking lion?"
"Yes." She replied. I was terrified. Not only for myself, but for anyone who would end up encountering it. Despite this feeling of terror, I wanted to stop and fight it. My mom kept driving.

Out of the blue, a cop car was on our tail.
"Shit, it's the cops." My mom says. His sex lights start-a-blinking, and my mom begins to drive faster.
"Mom, maybe you should pu..."
"No! We can't let them see there is a black man in the car until we reach a public place." I thought to myself, that I knew all the cops in town. They like me. They wouldn't hurt me. Now three cops were on her tail.
We now find ourselves, my mother and I, at the library, when it use to be under the city hall whilst the current one was under construction. There was a shoe section, where one could literally check out shoes. The cops found us as we looked about the shoes, and didn't question or search us, but in fact searched the shoe boxes and shoes around us. Frantically. After awhile, one of them finds a shoe as big as a computer, and laughs, saying
"Who the hell could fit into a shoe like this?"
"My friend Joe could." I say.
"Well he must have some big fucking feet. Hey, look at this picture frame." He hands me a picture frame, and I look at it, then hand it back.

"Anyways, sorry to bother you Mr. Rhone." And they leave. My mom and I sit there, confused, exhausted. She begins to talk, and in the moonlight I see a red dot on her head. I shove her face backwards.
"A laser!" Then blue ones appear on mine. We both take turns dodging the lasers, though no shots are being fired.
"The picture frame! It must have been so that they could target you through the windows easier!" She yells at me. We hide behind some crates. Though I can't hear it, I can feel that the building (which, now that I think about it, wasn't in public at all, but completely deserted ) is being surrounded. There is peace. Then machine gun fire tares through the walls and windows.

I retain my courage, and develop overwhelming determination, and vow a way out of this. I must see the redhead again. I must.

Then I woke up.

There reason why that dream was incorporated was because of its apocalyptic themes, which are prominent in the story itself. Though obviously in the story it is pieced together differently. Also, I chose to absorb a different short story I've been working on into the fold as well, which actually helps fill in some of the plot points I have been struggling with. So I hope you enjoyed this tidbit, and I shall be able to start posting under "My Friend The Machine" by the beginning of next year.

~Xavier R.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Musicians and Drugs

I made a comment during my entry yesterday, about how I left my physics studies to do drugs and play music, and how I would talk about it later. Coincidentally, one of my personal heroes and one of the most iconic rock front men of the past several decades, Scott Weiland, died in his sleep last night while on his tour bus, touring with his band The Wildabouts. Scott Weiland was also the original lead singer of the rock band Stone Temple Pilots, and the rock super group Velvet Revolver. While it is technically only speculation that he died of drugs, with no other known causes, and the fact that he did drugs on and off again since the early nineties, it is hard to not speculate.

I say "did drugs on and off again" instead of "struggled with", because starting to use drugs is usually self imposed, though the struggle can come eventually. They are known to either take the edge off, or put the edge on, whichever is needed for a given circumstance. That, and they can be fun as fuck to do. Problem being, long enough use can actually change the chemical make up in your brain, to where it is a constant nagging, in a way that becomes an actual disease. It is a disease, by the way. Just caused by unhealthy habits. Same as with a lot of cases of diabetes.

Scott Weiland, 10-27-1967 to 12-03-2015

There seem to be a couple different tie ins to drugs coming from musicians. So I figured I would elaborate on the ones I am familiar with.



CREATIVITY

Now, by no means do I think that doing drugs can ever make you creative, otherwise every feckless stoner and junkie would be a genius musician. However, drugs do alter your perception in one way or another, which gives alternative viewpoints and ideas to those who are already musically inclined, opening new approaches to otherwise plain ideas. Now while I would say a large number  musicians are known to be occasional drinkers and smokers of the sweet jungle,  some of the most prominent innovators of most genres used harder substances to push themselves to create something new, and altering your perception of reality can certainly assist with that.

POPULARITY

Many people love to make music, but some use it purposely find popularity for money, sex, respect, or whatever the case might be. Not all these people, however, are very outgoing. Music, and the arts in general, are known to be heavily pursued hobbies and careers of those who have very introverted personalities, though it is by no means exclusive. Though, contrary to extroverts, introverts gain their energy by being alone, and being within themselves. However, when you become a rockstar, privacy becomes secondary, and you are not only constantly admired, but also chastised. Both take heavy tolls on your energy levels. However, hard drugs and heavy drinking nullifies the negative effect of being sociable when your personality doesn't warrant it.

EMULATION

Probably the simplest of reasons to understand. Some of the biggest and best of all time, were heavy drug users, and even have glorified it in their creation. A young, impressionable mind is likely to follow suite with that whom he or she sees as successful within the thing they strive for the most. Often, these impressionable people then understand its use, and continue.

FUN

Either being on the road, or playing shows in their locality, music ties into a partying lifestyle, usually for those observing it, but the musicians themselves are often wanting into that fray. The high of playing a show for a good crowd of people can be enough for many, but often many musicians want to further that high, and thus dig themselves deeper into debauchery.

If drugs didn't have a heavily positive physical or mental effect, people just would never do them, because even the most hapless individual knows that they are dangerous. However, trying to show them to people who haven't ever used as being only destructive with no pleasure is not only dangerous, but I think wrong, because once they learn to the contrary, the lessons learned about negativity become of little to no consequence. Instead, people should be taught immediately that they do feel pleasurable, but the negatives are so powerful its just not worth it. Because Drugs are fun. They are really fucking fun. Some make you calm, some make you feel like a superhero, while others make your blood and brain feel like one giant mushy orgasm. Mix that with the high of creating music, and its an easy path of enjoyable destruction. One could be easily swayed to continue using because of how fun they were if they were only yelled at about them, instead of sat down and talked to.

And while I would never get on someones case for tokin' that herbage or enjoying the occasional cocktail, as I myself enjoy a nice tumbler of whiskey, but just remember some of these awesome cats;

Frankie Lymon, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Tim Buckley, Elvis Presley, Keith Moon, Sid Vicious, Bon Scott, Darby Crash, John Bonham, Phil Lynott, Hillel Slovak, Andrew Wood, Steve Clark, Kristen Pfaff, Shannon Hoon, Bradley Nowell, John Baker Saunders, Layne Staley, Dee Dee Ramone, John Entwistle, Rick James, Michael Jackson, Jay Reatard, Paul Gray, Amy Winehouse, and even Whitney Houston. Some of the greatest musicians to have ever lived.

Real fucking dead from drugs.

~Xavier R.

p.s.

I feel people have the right to do as they please, as long as it doesn't outwardly effect others in an immediate way. I just feel some of those things are really, really stupid.

Playlist 12-4-2015 (R.I.P. Scott)

Modzilla - Scott Weiland and The Wildabouts 

Between The Lines - Stone Temple Pilots

Sex Type Thing - Stone Temple Pilots

Big Machine - Velvet Revolver

Headspace - Velvet Revolver



Thursday, December 3, 2015

In your private time, tell yourself you were born to control affairs. In your public time, control affairs.

Sometimes too many ideas are floating around at once. Too many, because not enough dedication can be given to a single one idea to complete or master that idea. There is no need to feel down because you can't be any sort of unrealistic renaissance man or woman. Do something, or write something, or make something, then move on. Once you achieve it, achieve something else. There is no need to expend so much energy on so many things if you know deep inside you will not complete them. Lets be realistic.

There are many who all at once are brilliant writers, musicians, athletes, and thespians. However, they mastered each thing individually. Once they have each thing mastered, simultaneous improvement for each can then happen. Because they are masters.

Get it?

My father, who was a great man but plagued with many flaws, would completely disagree with me. He also is someone who would ignore my ideas on how to travel the cosmos (a whole theory involving quantum mechanics for particle disbursement and rearrangement, of which I spent many years of study, and was developing a proper thesis on until I discovered music and drugs...another entry) and say that these things can be done with pure will power and brain waves. He was also a man who died from his inability to go out and actively improve himself. It was a sad day when he died, but it was very motivating, as I was following a similar path, despite obvious talents.

I tried too much to do too many things. Then I became good at a few. Then I would focus on them, but do too many things with each talent and end up waking up drunk Sunday morning mad at myself, declaring to the universe for the next week not to be the same, only for it to all reoccur. Its so silly.
However feeling this way, one could only fear that one would be destined for a mediocre existence.
Not true.

There is nothing wrong with living a modest life. It is being humble, that gets people in trouble. If a guy would rather be a mechanic or a baker instead of a rockstar or an astronaut, good for them. As long as they appreciate what is happening and how. When someone is humble, they dismiss their own greatness to let others feel big? Even if they know on the inside, others will not, then not accept it when those cries of acknowledgement are shouted out. That is their own fault. Then scheming to do this and that, but not accepting to do great to be great. That doesn't work.

Now over saturation of popularity can bog even a modest persons mind, feeling they have to strive to be famous. Most don't want that, and will judge a false pretense of greatness, thus, wanting to do so much all at once. Whichever way you get there, it is full circle. So sit and focus.

Sit and focus.

Or stand and focus. Depending on what you are trying to do.

This is the cog. We all fit. Or we do not. Do we want to do either?

That also gets me thinking about the additional media coverage and absortion that exists that didn't a generation ago. If one could succeed at what they wish, despite all the extra distraction, would that make one even greater then one set out to achieve?

Hmm...

~Xavier R.

Playlist 12-3-2015

My Generation - The Who

Sound and Color - Alabama Shakes (a new favorite. If you try any, try this one.)

Elite - The Deftones

Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix Experience

Saturday Night's Alright - Elton John

Friday, November 6, 2015

Amidst my feverish nightmares, I was king to the people who dwelled in the earth

Once again, by the will of the god(s) up above, the devil(s) below, or whatever deity or lack thereof, I have risen from the ashes of mental and physical sickness and failure to be given another chance to succeed at what I wish. Too many times have I told myself and the universe that never again would let myself slip into darkness, only to do so over and over.

I feel like I will have no more chances to fuck up. So I don't plan on it.

That being said, I have resumed my work and it shall be published soon. 

Meme?

~Xavier R.

Playlist 11-6-2015