Tuesday, May 17, 2011

This is who we are. This is what we do.

It spins. Your life. It is a wheel, with many spokes. It isn't over yet, so calm the fuck down. Everything will be alright. Or it wont.

Do you remember that time when the oversensitive fool couldn't take a joke, and in return ended up causing damage that was irrepressibly strong and could never be undone? Well they won't understand. It is a shame. They have no idea how their words have caused you to not forgive them, in turn making the original matter even worse.

Fuck me? No cunt, fuck you. One day I will be far away. Sure I could call. But I wont. And it is your fault. God damn it I love you so much for making me into a strong willed person. But god damn it do I hate you for the decades of coddling. I won't be a sociopath, as could be expected, with our blood. But understand that the mind, and the spirit, they are just muscles as the rest of the body contains.

You blame my attitude on you know who? My god you are so, so fucking wrong. I am worse then him. If anything, I poison him. If anything, I poisoned him in the first place. This angriness I feel? This darkness? The fantasies I escape to? They come from you. They come from you. The weird things I'm capable of? They also come from you. Thank you, by the way, for the latter, because sometimes I feel like a superhero.

I am aware of the fact that I am young. I know I don't always know the absolute truth. However something I have learned from you that you obviously did not learn your time around, as loving as you tried to be.

Pain caused by your offspring will come. I will embrace it as nature, instead of a foreign enemy. They will return to me, occasionally, as is nature, and one day I will die with the FIRST and ONLY women I marry and all will be well.

Thank you from keeping my mind from murder. Well done. I'm all sorts of unusual. But I aint crazy.
But fuck you for keeping me a coward and weak for so long. Just keep your distance. And one day I will beg for forgiveness, for my youthful rebellion made me act out in all sorts of ways.

However you are still relatively young. Maybe this pain is something you need to realize exists. You are going to be a whatchyamacallit, after all, with the brain and what not. Take the gift that you gave me and use it, instead if blaming everything else.

I love you, you stupid fucking cunt.

~Xavier R.

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