Is it weird that I stare when I masturbate?

Commercials me stupid. Even ones on the internet. I like candy. omfg what? Anyways, stupid commercials. I didn't even talk about commercials to bring up my unpaid advert for candy. See? What?

Everyone is the same pretty much. I'm sober as a kitten, and my brain is a box of tangerines. I'm smoking a cigar right now, and god damn it I'm ENJOYING MYSELF

XXX; Means dicking of vag, vaging of vag, dicking of dick, or mouthing of anus. I may have missed a few. Animals don't count. Sorry. For nothing.

The night before last I saw the last girl I've fucked. The night before that I saw the first girl I ever saw completely strip that I wasn't about to bone.

Here it is, the picture that always comes nowadays

 Goat Brie ftw,

~Xavier R.

p.s. An English girl once told me she'd have my "little black babies." Awesome.

Es schreibt im Blog oder es wird der Schlauch wieder.

 

"Big Black is a decent band and all, but it's not worth making the whole house smell like smoke and shit. I just cleaned the carpets"

So I figure I'd write something quick before I went to work. Something just for my buddy Xavier.

I was thinking about a rig set up. How about a custom thunderbird with a rickenbacker 4003 set-up (that is two seperate outputs for each pick-up) one pick up going through a bass distortion pedal into an ashdown. The other going into an octaver that transposes the signal up one octave and turns the signal into a fifth of itself, into a Big Muff and finally into an orange.

Doesn't that sound fuckin' sexy?

For the rest of our readership, which seems for one reason or another, be all lesbians, a picture of my penis:

Love Big Mike, n'shit.

Head Fuckery, at it's Finest.

So I pretended I was a moron for five minutes and listened to a song by Marilyn Manson and well... just listen. I'll wait.

That's got to be the most offensive song ever.
Again, if you're handy dandy idiot goggles happen to be on.
Lets hope you didn't super glue them to your skull, you fucking moron.
Seriously, the only reason you're alive is because we can't put you down.


Topic: When is the last time you had your brain pussy penetrated? probably never like I'm about to fuck it.

Y'see you might have read a good book or maybe even seen a good movie that makes you re-evaluate the way you see the world. The first time you read a bummer ending is always better then ten happy endings because it's real and and it hits you hard. Slams the g-spot in your skull like the dirty whore it is and you love it.

I thought I had a pretty colorful repartee of books and movies under my considerable belt, until I asked my friend charlie about what books I should read.

My friend Charlie.

"I dont read fiction, but if I had to suggest a novel, the only one I would suggest would have to be 'House of Leaves'"

 

"What's it about?" I ask

"It's a book about a book about a movie about a house that's bigger on the inside then it is on the outside"

"You're shitting me, how long is it?"

"about 700 pages, it's got an index too, and footnotes. Some of it's footnotes have footnotes."

"Why the fuck would I even read that?"

"Reading it's like going insane, some of the pages are printed backwards, upside down, in braile, musical notation and some pages only have 3 and a half words on them. It make you feel claustrophobic"

And I bought it, and pretty reasonably too: its like a psychotic, obsessive compulsive college textbookand it's about the size of one too. 20 bucks, get it.

Love Big Mike.

Sorry for the late posts, I'm measuring my apartment compulsively alot these days.

Korn and a cigar in the morning

Everyone meets the darkness. There's no point crying about it.
-Marc Antony(I think?)

Carpe Diem!

~Xavier R.

Greetings Bob 357a. Nutrition consumption at my housing facility?

A tour of the Cube from Mike Page on Vimeo.



1984, anyone?

~Xavier R.

Eyes Wide Shut

Movie Not To Watch 1 - Fast 5
Paul Walker existing, hot girls (but far too cliche in manner), stereotypical racial jokes that aren't even funny, same bullshit plot, and Paul Walker existing. What a shame, because the first two, maybe three (Tokyo Drift Doesn't count) where stomachable. Copy and paste formula doesn't work for movies. When will they learrrrrrrrn?!?!?!

I've moved on to "Understanding Physics" by Isaac Asimov, and I've got to tell you, I've never read a non-fiction  book on science that read so smooth. It's like a top shelf vodka, except I'm not calling up my last girlfriend begging for sex.

Also, I keep seeing hot chicks with douche bag supremos. Knock it off ladies. When none of us well off nice guys wanna take you when we're all in our thirties, it's because we don't think it's fair that you can spend over a decade of dating life being a shallow cunt, THEN settle down. Wanna secure your future? Fuck us now. We deserve it. Sure, we play video games, talk to ourselves, and draw violent, self loathing comics. But hey, we don't cheat, or hit, or force you to strive for perfection, because you already are. Why don't you see that, you dumb cow?
Anti Misogynist Attempt: It goes both ways, blah blah blah.

Mandatory Entry Picture

Tirade over. Commencing log off /func. Jacking off,

~Xavier R.

I made my own world out of dirt and spit...

Today was a good day. Sure the sky was cloudy, and the women evasive. However, the jamming was good. Aye, god damnit aye, the jamming was good. So was the thai food. How splendid the thai food, and the accompanying  ice teas. Clever words exchanged among peers.

Patterns dictate a horrible future. But as a currently disliked old friend would say;
Nah.

Yeah, I agree.

Hope you are ill with wellness. You hear about those things? God I'm disconnected. I know nothing of what baskets baring what fruits.

Fruits.

Bananas.

I like bananas. Have some in my kitchen, you know.

Lets talk about the new Green Lantern Movie.

I enjoyed watching Ryan whatsit pretend he could act. It wasn't too shabby pretending. It was acting like he could act, which I guess is good enough.

The turns in the story are easily foreshadowed to the point of boredom, and the cocky turned humbleness of protagonist Hal is expected to say the least. Of course by the side of the latter development, comes the originally nice but misunderstood minor antagonist who only wished for knowledge and love, only to become the villain and dies horribly. Go fucking figure.

Blake Lively is fuckable, and the special effects are shiny, especially in 3-D. Go watch it with the intentions of; mutual masturbation through a tub of pop corn, being really high, or having nothing better to do with 10 spot burning a hole in your pocket.

~Xavier R.

p.s. A few moments ago it sounded like a killer robot was outside my door. I think my lack of interest scared it away.

How long? Not long.

The world is healthy, the world is safe
Yet how long as it been since I've seen a butterfly
The world is strong, the world is sturdy
Yet how many quakes have stirred and cracked
The world is clean, the world is pure
Yet how the air smells and tastes of rot
The world is radiant, the world is wise
Yet why does it continue to let us live?

I know why...

Because I pray to Jesus every night.

~Xavier R.

It's cool, man

About to watch Romans rape and kill each other. Spicy burritos. I fucked your mom.

Short post. Xavier gives this many fucks; 0.

Good day,

~Xavier R.

Barbequing

I left work an hour ago at six am.

It was dark and it was rainy, rainier then it had been the last few rainy days had been, which had been pretty rainy in their own regard. You know what I smelled, breathing deep the anchorage air?

Barbequing.

This is a sentiment I can get behind. I imagined a grizzled old man, bearded and dressed only in a wife beater and oiled stained jeans: kinda like Willy Nelson, except my man drinks Old English and smokes way more marijuana.

He has 3 freezers full of meat and he has twice as many guns as he does grandchildren (of which he has dozens), he probably just fucked 3 women half his age and you know what's gonna do?

Barbeque a fuckin' stake.

As I drove home, to do things far less manly, I realize this is a man I want to emulate. I think we should all emulate. I think before you do anything, you should as your self, what would he do?


Did the old man that lives in my head think "oh gee, it's raining and it's six am, I shouldn't barbeque"? Fuck no, the rain didn't stop him from killing that moose with his teeth shortly after concussing it with his cock, why would it stop him from slathering that bitch in Jack Daniels and cooking it rare?.


And really, barbequing in the rain? That's for pussies anyway. He'd barbeque in the middle of winter, then he'd piss some malt liquor onto the neighbor kids snow man, because they're annoying little shits.


You've got to go beyond just thinking with your stomach. You've got to start thinking with your balls.

Whats a fucking hibachi? Pussy speak for a cock toaster?

You're all fucking pussies.

Big Mike.