Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A president for your thoughts?

So you survived the first part of Mike's surreal adventure into blood and pain. Well done. So if you are done vomiting your mind out your rectum, I'd like you to continue to keep your mind buckets ready, more to come for sure.

Any-who, I'm finding it hard to ignore all of the coverage of the oversaturated pool for republican candidates for U.S. president. So I chiseled it down a bit. I am very aware of the fact that the best way to make something go away is to ignore it, however I'd be more keen to just make fun of them as well. So I will give what I feel is the reason why they have the backing that they do have from republicans, and then I will give my opinion.

Note: I am an independent, with the occasional siding with either primary parties on certain policies. Once the democrats take more headlines, I shall harass they asses as well, don't worry, cry babies.

Jeb Bush
Republican Take - Yeehaw another Bush. Now that's a name I'm use to.
My Take - He knows how to fudge numbers on economic growth by not tossing in population changes. Also, while one shouldn't be chastised because of their own family, its hard to say that bred politicians wont be a repeating thing.
Ben Carson
Republican Take - Christian? Check. Talks shit to Obama? Check. Doctor so we can say he's a smart person? Check. Is black so we can say we aren't racist? Check mate.
My Take - He needs to leave religion out of everything if he is going to be looking over a country comprised of many of them. Also, for a doctor, he sure has a lot of cockamamie ideas about gays and vaccinations. 
Chris Christie
Republican Take - He worked as a republican in a primarily democratic state! He must be able to beat the odds! Plus, he hates marijuana! Marijuana leads to pre-marital butt sex and meth addiction!
My Take - I imagine he wants to keep all the weed to himself, which is why his fat ass can eat so many double cheeseburgers. You do want to make it illegal federally, but then don't want to only when people, consisting of (calculates) no one, has ever died from it? Stop trying to beat around the bush. And fuck Obama? Yeah, that guy you were hugging while you took all those photo ops?
Ted Cruz
Republican Take - Yes! Finally, someone who will remove all the social programs in place which keep us healthy, fed, and educated because DEMORATS put them in place originally.
My Take - Eh, fuck him.
Carly Fiorina
Republican Take - We need a strong, warhawk woman who will stand up for her beliefs! Down with Obama! Down with planned parenthood!
My Take - Besides lying about PP policies, and also on the whole controversy of the content of the  videos to begin with, its easy to get a bunch of ultra conservatives riled up. Also, you want to build a bajillion new warships and submarines and war planes for what? Peace keeping?
Mike Huckabee
Republican Take - We need to ignore separation of church and state to let these blasphemers in the U.S. and the rest of the world; Its either Jesus's way, or the highway.
My Take - The type of people who would vote for this man are the Christian equivalent of Isis, and if they could get away with it, kill everything that wasn't white, straight, and Christian (all the while being huge, fat, stinking hypocrites.). Luckily we live in a society to where killing non-believers is actually illegal, and a majority of people who at least think purges are wrong. 
Rand Paul
Republican Take - Government is evil! Ewww!
My Take - If government is so god damn evil, why is he in it? Its just to protect the people? Then shouldn't we just have militias?
Marco Rubio
Republican Take - He is engaged and wants to repeal everything Obama! Also, will keep us in our manufacturing jobs! Who needs those pesky enviromental policies, anyways?
My Take - He is a very engaged, articulate individual, thats for sure. But someone so quick to pander to the mob for political favor shouldn't stand so well. And he wants to keep people in their jobs? Want to know what else takes peoples jobs?
The end of the world.
Donald Trump
Republican Take - Finally, someone who speaks the truth, and is angry about all the same things we are. Also, he's famous. You can trust famous people. He is so on our level.
My Take - Anyone who thinks a media personality billionaire whose whole career has been specifically about vanity, popularity, and money, suddenly wants to only be for the people and the well being of the of the middle class, is fucking retarded. Plain and simple. He has given no feasible plans to achieve anything he claims, and, to top off the cake, is a fucking bigot.

Good luck America.

We'll need it.

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