Friday, September 25, 2015

Lets talk about World Star.

If I was a catholic I would be a sinner, but because I don't believe in sin I'll just settle for being a bad person. You see, I've been indulging a very guilty pleasure and I think I should come clean to you, my gentle reader.

I watch street fight compilations on YouTube.

Not just one or two, either. I can watch these for hours. I get a visceral thrill out of watching people who can't fight professionally beat the fuck out of one another. Sucker punches, head kicks, three-on-ones, hair pulling, bitch-slapping and body slams: I can't get enough. My higher minded self is disgusted but my lizard brain gobbles it up like violence flavored candy.

Despite my misgivings I know that violence as entertainment has been a thing since the dawn of man. The Romans had Gladiators, Boxing has been an Olympic sport since 688 BC and Takeshi's castle caused much hilarious bodily harm for a whole 4 years. The thrill you get from seeing people hurt each other is self evident, I think everyone enjoys it to a degree. It's wired into our very chimp DNA.

Why then do I feel so bad about enjoying World Star? One: although I think the practice of fighting as sport is respectable, or even commendable, the people in these videos are not athletes. Two: these people fighting in Section 8 or in the club or in front of a Wendy's, to say the least, are not in a great place in their lives. A lot of pleasure I derive here is schadenfreude, or for the German challenged, a joy in the suffering of others.

These people (most of the time they're grown adults) are beating the shit out of each other, risking life-threatening injury for trivial things. Whether it be theft of money or romantic partner, someone saying something racist, drunk people being drunk or just some good old-fashioned stripper drama the reasons for these street brawls seem all too sad. One particular episode in particular (Video below, 12:44 minute mark) sticks out as something that feels too pathetic to be put in a snappy little YouTube video for my entertainment.

But hey, I guess if everyone had adult conflict resolution skills there wouldn't be any these videos for me to gawk at.

If you're feeling like assuaging guilt like me, lets play my patented Big Mike's World Star Hip Hop Drinking Game!

Warning! This game is going to go fast, you're going to get very drunk very quickly. I recommend no more the 3 fifteen minute rounds of this fabulous Big Mike's World Star Hip Hop Drinking Game.

Every time someone screams "World Star!" more then twice, take a shot.
Every time someone takes off their shirt, take a shot.
Every time the guy talking mad shit gets knocked out immediately, take a shot.
Every time someone says "You got knocked the fuck out!" take a shot.
When white people say "Nigga", take a shot.
When white people say "Nigger", take two shots.
Every time a third party gets involved halfway through a fight, take a shot.
Every time someone gets sucker-punched out cold, take a shot.
 When strippers start fighting, it's a party and you need to swap seats with the person to your right, take a shot.
Every time the fight is between a man and a woman, take a shot.
When a weave gets pulled out, take a shot.
When a woman body slams another woman, take a shot.
When a titty falls out of a torn top, take two shots.

Happy hip-hopping, sinners!
Big Mike.

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