Friday, April 22, 2011

14 Movies Worse then "Dazed and Confused" (According to Rotten Tomatoes)



Okay, lemme preface this by saying I don't hate "Dazed and Confused" but I don't get it. I mean, I understand what happens in the movie, you'd have to be borderline retarded to miss any of the major plot points (School, drugs, bathroom, drugs, bedroom, drugs, party, drugs, drugs, drugs) what I don't get is why it's so fucking popular. The shit is fucking boring high, why would you sit through this shit, not only sober, but fucking fawn over it like these feckless assholes paid to review movies?

I'll say it again, I don't HATE this movie, but it sure as fuck doesn't deserve a 98 percent tomatometer rating. I mean, seriously? that says that this is technically a masterpiece only marginally off-perfect: As good, if not better then movies by Orson Welles, Stanley Kubrick, David Lynch, Gus Van Sandt and Speilburg.

You see, whats got me pissed off is that it seems when I actually really dig a movie, it's tomatometer reading sucks it. I'm gonna throw you a few flicks that I know are way better then dazed and confused.

Rotten Tomatoes can eat my asshole.

Repo Men (2010) Jude Law, Forest Whitaker
Tomatometer: 22% 
What it's about: Two men kill people who cant pay for their prosthetic organs for a living. One grows a conscience. 
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It totally got a message about how horrible our healthcare system is, man"


The Jacket (2005) Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley
Tomatometer: 44%
What it's about: Gulf war vet gets shot full of drugs, put in a straight jacket and time travels. 
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "Time travel!? WOAH! Totally"


Up In Smoke (1978) Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong
Tomatometer: 44%
What it's about: Pair of stoners smuggle weed and win a battle of the bands. 
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "Really, man? Do I have to draw you a diagram?"

The Cell (2000) Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughn
Tomatometer: 45%
What it's about: Child Psychologist puts on suit and goes into the mind of a serial killer. Looks like one big HR. Giger/ Damien Hearst gallery  
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It looks totally cool, man"

A.I. (2001) Haley Joel Osment, Vince Vaughn
Tomatometer: 73%
What it's about: Pinocchio with robots.   
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It's totally Pinocchio with robots, man"

The Big Lebowski (1998) Jeff Bridges, John Goodman
Tomatometer: 79%
What it's about: Stoner slacker gets his rug pissed on and tries to get it replaced. 
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It's totally a stoner film noir, man!"

One Hour Photo (2002) Robin Williams
Tomatometer: 79%
What it's about: Robin Williams plays his least funny character ever.

Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It's totally creepy, man!"


Se7en (1995) Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman
Tomatometer: 85%
What it's about: A suspense thriller with a little of Dante's Inferno thrown in.

 Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "Woah, dude, Kevin Spacey is a total nut job, man"

Pulp Fiction (1994) Samuel Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Christopher Fuckin' Walken
Tomatometer: 94%
What it's about: a bunch of shit 
Why it's better then Dazed and Confused: "It totally has a gimp, man!"

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